They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another. Joan Rivers
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present. See image Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. See image Joan Rivers
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet! See image Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'. See image Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway. See image Joan Rivers