Speaking of happy successes, ...

Speaking of happy successes, after years of struggling to lose those few extra pounds every mother puts on during adoption, particularly when the doctor orders bed rest, in 2004 I sent my assistant to the Gap in dark glasses with a fake ID to purchase my first pair of Easy Fit jeans.
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 Paula Poundstone

Quotes from the same author

I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
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 Paula Poundstone
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
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 Paula Poundstone
I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
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 Paula Poundstone
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there. I go in every few weeks and guess.
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 Paula Poundstone
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
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 Paula Poundstone