Quotes Mark Twain - page 16

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Germany, the diseased world\'s bathhouse.
Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
We have the best government that money can buy.
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.
I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of it. However, this is the first attempt I have ever made & yet I perceive I shall soon & easily acquire a fine facility in its use. ... The machine has several virtues. I believe it will print faster than I can write. One may lean back in his chair & work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don\'t muss things or scatter ink blots around. Of course it saves paper.
I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of it. However, this is the first attempt I have ever made & yet I perceive I shall soon & easily acquire a fine facility in its use. ... The machine has several virtues. I believe it will print faster than I can write. One may lean back in his chair & work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around. Of course it saves paper.
In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.
'Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.' I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of the world it would still sing to me.
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
I think that the reason why we Americans seem to be so addicted to trying to get rich suddenly is merely because the opportunity to make promising efforts in that direction has offered itself to us with a frequency out of all proportion to the European experience.
Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.