Quotes Mark Twain - page 14
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.
There is nothing that saps one's confidence as the knowing how to do a thing
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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.
It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented.
...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
