Quotes Joan Rivers - page 3
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
moving on is a gift you give yourself.
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
I've learned: When you get older, who cares? I don't mince words, I don't hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It's been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I've never been invited! If I ever saw the invitation, I'd use it as toilet paper.
