Quotes Joan Rivers - page 2
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe. If you must go into the arts, go into them for yourself alone. On some basic level you must enjoy the act of doing it ... Otherwise, you are going to end up frustrated and unhappy. Recognition in the arts is luck and gravy.
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
![[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: \'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.](/fotos/5f/5f41bed95315db615b4e62548d5251ec.webp)
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.
We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.
Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.
