Quotes George Carlin - page 6
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Everyone smiles in the same language.
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done.
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
