Prayers never bring ...

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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 W. C. Fields

Quotes from the same author

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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 W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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 W. C. Fields
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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 W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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 W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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 W. C. Fields