People are bringing shotguns ...

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.
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 Bill Hicks

Quotes from the same author

Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
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 Bill Hicks
What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.
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 Bill Hicks
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
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 Bill Hicks
What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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 Bill Hicks
I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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 Bill Hicks