My mother is from another ...

My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
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 Steven Wright

Quotes from the same author

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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 Steven Wright
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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 Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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 Steven Wright
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
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 Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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 Steven Wright