If there were ever two ...

If there were ever two sentences that you will not respond well to, 'Don't move. There's a snake behind your foot,' is it.
 Warren Hutcherson

Quotes from the same author

My mother wanted me to go to church to meet women. That's wrong, ain't it? 'Praise the Lord! Hey, how ya doing? Nice dress. Look, I'm going to go over there and get some of this wine and crackers, want some?'
 Warren Hutcherson