I thought, Hey, maybe these ...

I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia

Quotes from the same author

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia
There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia
I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia
You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia
You've got to remember that improvisers are writers and actors and directors all simultaneously. That's what's happening in real time because you're writing on your feet, and you are acting out the words and you are directing what the staging is. You're deciding what staging is.
 See image
 Mike Birbiglia