Before we make love my ...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, \'the man goes on top and the woman underneath\'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. I\'m a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we\'re making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off. It\'s so long since I\'ve had sex, I\'ve forgotten who ties up whom. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off. It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.
 Joan Rivers

Quotes from the same author

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
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 Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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 Joan Rivers
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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 Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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 Joan Rivers
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway.
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 Joan Rivers