As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed u...

As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could not tell you for sure why they strapped Santa to a cross. Had he missed a house? Had a good little girl somewhere in the world not received the doll he'd promised her, making the father angry?

Augusten Burroughs

But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair.

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Augusten Burroughs

My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way.

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Augusten Burroughs

I couldn't help but think, This car is taking me to a mental hospital and my mother is treating it like open-mic night at a Greenwich Village café.

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Augusten Burroughs

I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a part of me that enjoyed hating school, and the drama of not going, the potential consequences whatever they were. I was intrigued by the unknown. I was even slightly thrilled that my mother was such a mess. Had I become addicted to crisis? I traced my finger along the windowsill. 'Want something normal, want something normal, want something normal', I told myself.

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Augusten Burroughs

My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron.

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Augusten Burroughs

As a young child I had Santa ...

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