Artemis: (shocked) Why, ...

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.
 Eoin Colfer

Quotes from the same author

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
 Eoin Colfer
Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.
 Eoin Colfer
I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!
 Eoin Colfer
Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.
 Eoin Colfer
It was calling me, that button," he offered as his excuse. "I couldn't resist." -MULCH DIGGUMS ON A HIGHLY PRESS-ABLE BUTTON-
 Eoin Colfer