My mother told me to raise my kids with calculated neglect. They get their self-worth from doing what they can do and not having everything done for them.
As a mother, anyone who has a teenager can attest to being really excited when they have something positive to be putting their energy into. They have so much energy, and it can go in the wrong direction.
If I don't have to act, I'd rather not. I'd rather not act cold. I'd rather actually be cold. That's my weird way of acting. If the door is supposed to be locked, I'd rather have it locked. But of course, most of the time, we have to act, and that's okay, too.