An epitaph is a belated ...

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.
 Irvin S. Cobb

Quotes from the same author

Of all American cities of whatever size the most friendly on preliminary inspection, and on further acquaintance the most likable. The happiest-hearted, the gayest, the most care-free city on this continent.
 Irvin S. Cobb
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.
 Irvin S. Cobb
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
 Irvin S. Cobb
Reelfoot is, and has always been, a lake of mystery.In places it is bottomless. Other places the skeletons of the cypress-trees that went down when the earth sank, still stand upright so that if the sun shines from the right quarter, and the water is less muddy than common, a man, peering face downward into its depths, sees, or thinks he sees, down below him the bare top-limbs upstretching like drowned men's fingers, all coated with the mud of years and bandaged with pennons of the green lake slime.
 Irvin S. Cobb